


Even If It Kills Me

by xbenihime



Series: Finding You [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged Up!AU, F/M, graphic scenes here guys, i didnt mean to do this, i love you truly, i really didnt, i want to kill me, im so sorry adrien, oh my god you guys are going to kill me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:51:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6522388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbenihime/pseuds/xbenihime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How did Chat get his scars?</p><p>Days before finding Hawkmoth, Ladybug and Chat face off against The Surgeon—a brutal akuma who manages to knock Chat out and try to get a good 'slice' of information out of him.</p><p>After saving him from the akuma's clutches, Ladybug is unable to leave his side and tends to his wounds before watching over him as Marinette. Companion piece to 'Finding You.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even If It Kills Me

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a few requests for a fic about the surgeon and how Chat got his scars. I didn't expect it to turn out like this...

Chat hated hospitals.

Well, technically Adrien hated hospitals. But Chat was Adrien so by proxy Chat didn’t like hospitals either.

But that was beside the point.

Aside from the fact that hospitals were full of sick people, the overall atmosphere was what got to him most. The walls were white and bland, the halls were huge.

It just felt so haunted and empty. How anyone could be here all the time and not have a breakdown baffled him.

Until today.

It was only a matter of time he figured until he and Ladybug had to show up to a hospital to get rid of an akuma—in fact, he was surprised it hadn’t happened years earlier when this whole thing with Hawkmoth first started—but now that it was happening…

Chat was having a hard time focusing.

They’d successfully evacuated the East wing of the hospital as Chat distracted The Surgeon, and now Chat was jumping around the halls, and desks. The walls and doors that separated patient rooms had been blown away, so the Eastern wing was now one large indoor area with carnage everywhere.

Chat was ducked down behind a toppled table when Ladybug silently rolled in next to him.

“Where’d he go?” she asked.

Chat smirked, “Nice of you to _drip_ on in, m’Lady.”

Ladybug’s brow furrowed, “Is that supposed to be an IV reference?”

Chat’s grin just grew wider.

Ladybug shook her head and sighed, “C’mon, Chat. Focus here, okay?”

The blond nodded, peeking over the top of the table. The Surgeon had disappeared a minute or so ago after trying and failing to plunge a needle into Chat’s neck. He threw the syringes like darts, and it was only sheer luck that kept the black cat from getting stuck.

It was bound to run out eventually.

Chat gestured toward the doors that lead to the West wing of the hospital.

“I think he was trying to head to one of the other wings. I’ve blocked the door, so he’s definitely in here.”

Ladybug nodded, “I’m gunna go check over there.”

Ladybug kept low to the ground, crawling over obstacles and keeping behind large bits of wood, creeping ever so slowly toward the door. Once she was out of his direct line of sight, Chat went to move when a sound pricked his hears, catching his attention.

His head snapped around to see The Surgeon hiding behind a wall divider, watching where Ladybug had just ventured off to.

_Not on my watch you don’t._

Silently, Chat circled around, never taking his eyes off The Surgeon. He didn’t question how his hands and feet knew just where to go to avoid the bits of metal on the floor. He didn’t even think about the aching in his joints from where debris had fell on or was whipped at him. He just kept his eyes on the akuma.

The sound of a loud crash and Ladybug’s yell diverted his attention for only a second, but it was enough that when he looked back, The Surgeon was gone.

“Fuck.”

Chat sprinted over to where he last was and then around the corner, following the sound of the falling footsteps. He knew his partner was down the hall and there was no way he was letting his Lady get hurt.

Silently he advanced, closing the distance between him and the akuma. His feet moved silently on the ground until he was close enough to leap on the doctors back and wrap an arm around his throat.

He had to keep in mind that this person was a victim that was taken advantage of by Hawkmoth, so he had to immobilize him while at the same time keeping him alive. The more ruthless the akuma was when it came to attacking his partner, the harder it was for Chat to remember that.

In this case, cutting off oxygen to his brain and getting him to pass out was the best option.

Tightening the hold of his legs around the man’s waist, Chat wrapped his right arm around his neck and kept it secured with his left hand hanging onto his right wrist. His grip tightened as The Surgeon struggled, trying to throw Chat off.

Stars burst across Chat’s vision as he was backed into a brick wall and he hissed under his breath, but his grip didn’t waver. His head felt dizzy as the man spun, but again, he didn’t waver.

It was only when The Surgeon jumped and fell on his back—and in turn Chat’s back since he was holding onto him—that another blow to his head had him falter. With the wind knocked out of him, the blond found it hard to breathe and The Surgeon took this moment to break free from him.

“ _Shit!”_

Chat snickered as he watched the man look back to where Ladybug had been, and obviously see nothing.

_Not this time, Hawkmoth._

At the sound of his chuckles, The Surgeon turned back to him and stalked over, pulling him up by his collar.

“You know where she went, and you’re gonna tell me.”

A cocky grin spread its way over Chat’s face as he stared at the pink butterfly mask that was currently hovering over the akuma’s face.

“Not a chance you basta—”

In a flash, a sharp pain in his neck caused his breath to hitch. Glancing down, the presence of The Surgeon’s hand registered as his fingers fell way to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his neck.

“Mother…fuck..er,” he slurred as gravity claimed his body and his vision faded.

…

Chat felt heavy when he could finally open his eyes again.

He was staring at a pristine white tiled floor. His head was being supported by some kind of donut ring that kept his head in line with his body, but his face and neck exposed.

His back and arms were freezing, and he felt the distinct absence of his suit. His throat hurt and his ears picked up the faint sound of what felt like a ventilator.

The muscle around his neck ached as it finally registered.

He was laying in an OR, back exposed on a surgical table, prepped for some sort of procedure the akuma was going to perform.

And he had a tracheostomy tube in his throat.

But why that instead of a ventilator?

“Oh, you’re awake now are you?”

A mirror was suddenly shoved in his face and tilted at an angle where he could see The Surgeon. He had a mask around his neck and was dressed in scrubs with gloves on.

“What…” Chat wheezed, “have you done…” wheeze, “to…me?”

He coughed violently, blood spattering the floor. Running his tongue over his teeth he swallowed the metallic taste in his mouth. 

He winced at the pain that radiated from his throat as he did so.

“I’ve injected you with a drug I’ve been working on,” The Surgeon started, setting up a tray of instruments next to him and arranging the tools. “It’s a modified version of Curare that works similar to an epidural. You can’t move anything below the injection site…” he trailed off.

His face suddenly appeared directly in front of Chat. The sickeningly devilish grin that was spread over his face made his heart race.

“But you can feel _everything._ ”

The Surgeon disappeared from view, but didn’t stop talking.

“Unfortunately, because I got your neck, I had to hook you up to a ventilator so you wouldn’t die from asphyxiation,” he lured, irritation evident in his voice. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do that, but its better than nothing since you’ll need to be able to speak for this.”

What was he planning?

The sickening sound of metal against metal rattled his skull as he watched the akuma sharpen a scalpel in the mirror.

“Now…” 

He made his way closer to Chat’s head as he felt the tip of the blade press into the skin just below the nape of his neck to the right of his spine.

“You’re going to tell me where Ladybug is.”

Chat nearly snarled.

“If you think…” he breathed, “…I’m going to tell…” huff, “…you where she is…”

Chat swallowed some more blood as his gaze hardened at The Surgeon in the mirror.

“…You’re dead wrong.”

The akuma’s expression warped into one of fury.

“We’ll just see about that.”

The pressure of the scalpel on Chat’s neck increased until it pierced his skin. That in itself hurt, but didn’t necessarily bother him.

It was only when the tip of the blade dug into his muscle and began to tear open the flesh along his spine that he hissed. 

And it was only when he could hear the scrape of the scalpel against bone that he couldn’t hold it back anymore.

He screamed.

…

He didn’t break though.

He couldn’t clench his fists. He couldn’t breath on his own. He couldn’t even shiver with how cold the room was.

But he could keep his Lady safe.

The pain and dizziness of having his body ripped open was nothing compared to how he’d feel if anything happened to her. He couldn’t let him have any sort of idea of where she was.

He just needed to endure until his Lady found him.

He felt the trickling of blood down his ribs, but couldn’t see it. He felt the cold breeze through the room ticking his raw, exposed nerve endings, but couldn’t do anything about it. He chest felt heavy and he could barely keep his mind straight.

When he got his hands on Hawkmoth, he was going to kill him.

When had he become so ruthless? Why was he doing this?

His vision was fading now. He’d been awake for at least half an hour and The Surgeon had hung a few bags of blood to keep him alive. Black dots were clouding his field of vision as his heart pumped furiously.

He had to stay awake.

His hearing started to muffle as his mind started to give in to sleep. He was getting weaker and he almost couldn’t take it anymore when a loud bang caught his attention.

He didn’t know what was going on, but soon enough he felt a lack of presence from The Surgeon and heard another body in the room knocking things to the floor.

The last thing he saw was a set of bright blue eyes before everything went black.

…

For the first time in all her years as Ladybug, Marinette was seeing red.

Not the blood that was coating her partner’s skin, The Surgeon’s clothes and instruments, but her actual vision.

She’d never felt the compulsion to kill someone before. But now, looking at Chat’s bare and marred back…

She had to restrain herself from falling into a blind fury.

She didn’t remember using her lucky charm. She didn’t remember purifying the butterfly or freeing the poor man from Hawkmoth’s grip. She was on autopilot and had no idea how she managed to get Chat over to Master Fu’s as quickly as she did.

She was absolutely frantic as they worked.

Normally Master Fu was able to take care of them on his own. They’d gotten burns or broken bones and he was able to set them and treat them. But with how Chat was now…

He needed Marinette’s help.

By some miracle they were able to stop the bleeding and get him wrapped up while keeping his heart beating. His breathing on his own was shallow, but still there, and Marinette refused to leave his side.

So she transformed back into Ladybug and piggybacked him back to her room.

She lay him on her chaise, stomach down and sat on the floor next to his face. The arms to his suit were tied around his waist since trying to zip him up at this point might cause his stitches to pull and fresh wounds to bleed. Luckily enough he hadn’t used cataclysm, and his kwami was managing to hold up his appearance as Chat.

With her own transformation again faded away, Tikki sat on her shoulder.

“What if he doesn’t make it, Tikki?” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

“He’ll make it, Marinette.” The Ladybug kwami hugged her chosen one’s cheek, nuzzling it slightly.

“But what if he doesn’t?”

She was barely audible as tears pricked the backs of her eyes. She took in the sight of her partner having gotten himself hurt _again_ to protect her.

What was _with_ him?

Stupid Cat.

“A few decades ago, there was once a peacock miraculous,” Tikki mumbled.

Marinette’s eyes widened as she stared down at her kwami.

“What?”

The little red fairy rubbed her hands together, “Her name was Bellezza, and her chosen one at the time was severely injured by the last miraculous holder who was like Hawkmoth.”

Marinette swallowed, nervous. “Tikki, why are you telling me this?”

“Kwami’s can save the life of their miraculous holders by severing their contract.”

The raven-haired girl’s eyes widened, “So you mean…”

“Yes. If it came down to it and Plagg decided he wanted to save Chat, he could sever their contract in an attempt to save his life.”

Marinette’s heart leapt in her chest before sinking.

_Wait…_

“Attempt?”

Tikki’s gaze fell downcast.

“It has a fifty-fifty chance of working. If it works, the current miraculous is rendered useless and the holder can never again wield a miraculous, but their life is spared…” Tikki trailed off.

“And if it doesn’t work?” she asked softly.

Tears fell down Tikki’s cheeks.

“The kwami is lost forever, and the holder dies anyway.”

Marinette brought her hands up to cradle Tikki to her cheek in a gentle hug. 

“Don’t worry, Tikki,” she whispered, a sad smile on her face. “I’ll never make you have to do that for me, or Plagg for Chat.”

Tikki burrowed into Marinette’s face as she cried silently.

“You’d better not.”

The two sat in silence, listening to Chat’s even breathing. Marinette found herself playing with his lengthening golden locks and even braiding it a few times. His hair had gotten extra shaggy in the past year and the length really suited him.

“Don’t you die on me,” she whispered, “I’d never forgive you if you did.”

“He wouldn’t forgive you either, Marinette,” Tikki piped in.

Marinette laughed.

“Well, I don't plan on dying any time soon."

…

His mouth was dry and his throat felt raw as his mind pulled away from the fog.

In one sudden movement, Chat jerked up in an attempt to get away from where he was laying down.  He couldn’t let the akuma try to get answers out of him. There was no way—

“Whoa, _whoa!”_

His mind whirled and his head spun as he staggered on his feet. He had to get away. He needed to find a way out. Passing out already was bad and he couldn’t afford to waste any more time.

He felt hands grab his face and redirect his gaze forward.

He managed to focus on the blue eyes directly in front of him as his heart raced. 

_Ladybug?_

He shook his head. 

No, Marinette.

He was in Marinette’s room.

“Chat, you need to sit down. You could pull out your stitches. Calm down.”

Dust in the air tickled the back of his throat and he felt himself stumbling, hands to his throat.

They were still bare.

He looked down at his sleeves tied around his waist and his still bare torso wrapped in bandages. There was a small sterile pad wrapped around his neck that he could feel beneath his palm, and tons of gauze around his abdomen—it nearly covered his entire torso.

His heartbeat slowed as it finally sunk in that he was safe.

He was safe.

He clenched his jaw as he stared at the floor, avoiding Marinette’s gaze. He’d failed, again. Ladybug had to bail him out again.

His head snapped up at a metal clink coming from the direction of her window and he flinched, readied in a stance to bound away. 

They were just wind chimes.

“What am I doing here, Princess?” he asked gently, managing to meet her eyes.

“Ladybug dropped you off,” she said gently, approaching him slowly. She’d backed up when he reacted to the sound of ringing metal to give him some space, and he was grateful for that.

“Right,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes, “I’m such a burden to her.”

“No, you’re not.”

Chat peered out from behind the heel of his hands, surprised at the firm tone Marinette was taking with him. There was no doubt in her voice, no waver. 

“How can you be so sure?” he asked, eyes narrowed.

“She has nothing but good things to say about you, Chat. The only reason she left you here was because her transformation was just about over and she knew someone needed to keep an eye on you tonight,” she told him gently, taking his hand in hers.

“I care about you too,” she confessed, a light blush on her cheeks. “I want to make sure you're okay as well.”

She held up a finger for him to wait before darting away to her bathroom and coming back with a glass of water. Chat took it gratefully and downed the whole thing in seconds. Water streamed from the corners of his mouth, down his chin to his neck, and soaked into front of the bandages.

He panted after swallowing the last gulp of water, gasping desperately for air and resting a hand on his chest. It felt so good to be able to breath on his own again and not have a machine do it for him.

He reached to put the cup down.

_Whoom._

Pain flashed up his arm to either side of his spine and he found himself falling to his knees, coughing and ripping in shuddering breaths. His stomach heaved as his lungs expelled air and tears pricked the backs of his eyes.

The Surgeon’s smile. The scalpel on his skin. The screams that tore his throat raw. The scalpel carving into his flesh, muscle and scraping at the bone.

“Fuck,” he choked, keeling over. “Fuck.”

He couldn’t fight it anymore.

Sobs wracked his body. Not a tear had escaped while he was on that table with his focus so on his Lady and keeping her safe. Not a thought about his composure breaking crossed his mind, but now that he was out of there and he was safe…

Fuck he felt weak.

Warm arms pulled him up and wrapped around him, carefully holding onto his shoulders and avoiding his spine, nails digging into his skin.

He clung to her, one arm crossing her back and holding onto her shoulder, the other wrapped around her back and gripping her hip. He pressed his forehead into her neck as he shook, gripping tightly.

If she was uncomfortable, she didn’t say so.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, trying to clear his throat, “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to…I’m—”

“Shh,” she whispered, holding him tighter, “It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s okay, Chat.”

She pulled back from him, cradling his face in her hands and wiping away his tears. She smiled smally with glassy eyes as she pressed a kiss to his forehead, lingering there for a minute.

His entire body relaxed as he let his head fall to rest just below the hallow of her throat. Since he was essentially in her cleavage he wouldn’t be surprised if she punched him and kicked him out.

But she just wrapped her arms around his head and started running her fingers through his air.

“It’s okay,” she muttered, “you’re okay.”

…

They stayed like that for an hour before he fell asleep against her chest.

“He’s exhausted,” she sighed, running her thumb along his cheek. It was sometimes hard for her to remember that there was a man behind the mask. A man who was so in love with Ladybug he’d let an akuma do _that_ to him just to protect her.

“Crazy Cat,” she mumbled, shifting her grip on him to get him back on the chaise. It was almost long enough for his body, but his feet hung off the edge. She shuffled around for a blanket before laying it over his sleeping form. He must already be freezing with how cold the weather was outside, he didn’t need to get sick in addition to his injuries.

She turned to go but was stopped by a warm grip from a callused hand.

“Stay, please?”

Marinette debated internally before climbing under the covers with him.

He fell asleep soon after.

She watched his sleeping face free of the pain it held only shortly before. Brushing the locks from his eyes her heart ached and she couldn’t help but wish they were open so she could see them one more time.

Damn.

When had she fallen for that stupid cat?

…

She woke once more to being carried up to the bed in her loft.

“Chat, what’re y—”

“Shh,” he hushed her, setting her down gently, “sleep. I need to go home.”

“But…you—”

He pressed a finger to her lips and through her slitted eyelids she focused on his glowing eyes. They were squinted in a smile, she could tell despite the fact it was too dark to see his mouth.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Princess,” he said softly. “You didn’t have to, you know that, right?”

She nodded, burrowing back into her covers, “I know.”

She heard the rustling of his suit and a faint hiss escape his lips but no zipper sound.

Guess it probably would’ve pulled too much.

“Come back tomorrow, okay? I need to know you’r—”

He silenced her with a kiss to the forehead.

“Sleep now. I’ll find you tomorrow.”

“Promise?

He heard him chuckle lightly, a sound that was music to her hears.

“Promise.”

She watched as he exited her window and bounded away to another rooftop in the direction of his home.

He had so many scars from protecting her. So many wounds from keeping her alive at the expense of his own life she didn’t doubt he’d step in front of a bullet for her, no questions asked.

She hated this. She hated how he kept putting himself in danger.

It needed to stop.

They needed to take the offence. If she wanted to save his life there was no other choice left.

Tomorrow she was finding Hawkmoth.

Even if it killed her.

**Author's Note:**

> You guys can find me on:
> 
> Tumblr - http://x-benihime.tumblr.com  
> FanFiction - https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7610579/


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